Colonel Fitzwilliam's Dilemma Read online

  “Besides,” Anne added. “You have not known one another for very long. This is only your second meeting, I understand.”

  “Yes, but even so. If he was as sure of his feelings for me as I am of mine for him, then there would be no occasion for delay,” Kitty replied glumly. “I think there is something, some difficulty, he has not shared with me that is preventing him from declaring himself.”

  “Give him time,” Georgiana said. “He has clearly had a falling out with his father. Even if he has independent means, I am sure he would wish to be on good terms with his family before admitting to his feelings.”

  “Yes, I suppose you are right about that, Georgie. However, you must not think I don’t know your game.” Kitty shook a paint-stained finger beneath Georgiana’s nose. “You are deliberately turning the conversation towards mine and Anne’s aspirations in the hope we will not cross-question you about yours.”

  “Is that what she is doing?” Anne asked, raising a brow in speculation.

  “Undoubtedly.” Kitty grinned at Anne. “As though we didn’t both know she is madly in love with Major Halstead.”

  “Then you are both wrong.” Georgiana sighed. “I like him very much and enjoy his society, but love…well, it is a very serious commitment. Besides, I don’t think my brother would allow me to become betrothed quite yet, even if the major declared himself.”

  “What do you want, if not Major Halstead?” Anne asked.

  “I want what my brother and Lizzy have,” she replied without hesitation. “Seldom have I seen more complete and absolute love. I envy them so much. You know, sometimes I can be in the same room as them but they are so completely involved with one another they don’t seem to realise I am there. Nothing persuades me I could feel that way about the major.”

  “Yes,” Anne said. “I have noticed that about them. Even with a houseful of guests, they still seem to be totally absorbed with each another.”

  “Lizzy didn’t feel that way at first,” Kitty said. “So perhaps your feelings for the major will change.”

  “Oh, it is entirely possible. I am not saying he isn’t the man for me. I am just not as sure of my feelings as you two appear to be.”

  The door opened to admit Mr. Asquith, bringing their intimate conversation to a close. Anne was pleased to have been included in it and to offer her advice, such as it was. She had never had the pleasure of another female to swap confidences with before. It had been illuminating even if she had little by way of personal experience to bring to the discussion.

  “How are you progressing, ladies?” Mr. Asquith asked.

  It was Georgiana who answered him. “Not terribly well, Mr. Asquith, as you can see. Sketching is one thing but painting on this scale is entirely another. I had not realised it would be quite so challenging.”

  “Could we not just close the drapes in the music room and make do with them as a backdrop?” Kitty asked.

  Mr. Asquith took a close look at their handiwork and nodded his approval, but Anne sensed he was distracted about something. She knew him so well she was sure he was not giving the matter in hand his complete attention. Whatever could he and the colonel have been discussing?

  “You underestimate your abilities,” he replied. “From a distance, this will look very well indeed. Who is responsible for painting the sun dial?”

  “That was me,” Anne admitted reluctantly. “I know it is too large. I got a little carried away. Unlike with sketching, it is impossible to start afresh if things go awry.”

  Mr. Asquith turned towards her and offered her the benefit of a dazzling smile that pointedly excluded Georgiana and Kitty. “I beg to differ, Miss de Bourgh. I think it a very realistic touch, skilfully executed and not at all out of proportion.”

  Anne blossomed beneath such lavish praise. She seemed unable to snatch her gaze away from Mr. Asquith’s even though there was no occasion to continue looking at him. “I am not sure about that. Besides, it was Kitty’s idea.”

  “Well, I have had quite enough for one afternoon,” Georgiana said, putting aside her brush and unfastening her pinafore. “I had no idea painting scenery could be quite so exhausting.”

  “No, nor I,” Kitty agreed, also abandoning her painting equipment. “Please excuse us, Mr. Asquith. I for one intend to idle the rest of the afternoon away. Oh, and study my lines, of course,” she added, giggling.

  “As do I,” Georgiana said.

  Mr. Asquith opened the door for the girls. Anne blushed when Kitty looked back over her shoulder and winked at her. It was clear they were not really tired. Anne had wondered about that. She was supposedly the weakest of the three and yet she felt full of energy and vigour. This was their clumsy attempt to leave Anne alone with Mr. Asquith. The silence hung heavily between them once the girls’ chattering voices had faded.

  “Are you tired as well, Miss de Bourgh?” Mr. Asquith asked. “I have been working you all very hard.”

  “Not in the least. Although I dare say Mama will come looking for me sooner or later and insist I rest before dinner.”

  “What is it?” he asked softly, moving to stand closer to her. “You look very pensive.”

  “Oh, take no notice of me. I was just thinking how much I have enjoyed my time here with Georgiana and Kitty. I have never had friends my own age before, you see. But I also can’t shake the feeling we are all marking time, waiting for something significant to happen.”

  “You refer to Colonel Fitzwilliam perhaps.”

  “Yes.” Anne twisted her hands together, wondering what could have possessed her to instigate this line of conversation. She had become accustomed over the years to keeping her thoughts and opinions to herself for fear of earning her mother’s disapproval. With Mr. Asquith she seemed to say whatever came into her head despite the fact he probably thought her immature and undeserving of her privileged position. “Mama warned me to expect an offer of marriage from the colonel while we were here and yet he has made no effort to single me out or speak to me alone.” She wrinkled her brow. “I don’t know what to make of that. Does he find me so unattractive he cannot make himself do it even though he would have Rosings to make up for his disappointment?”

  Mr. Asquith looked very agitated, as though there was something he particularly wished to say to her. Or maybe he was simply embarrassed by her candour but couldn’t actually say so. After all, he was her mother’s employee.

  “Take no notice of me,” she said, turning away from him. “I am not feeling myself today.”

  “You are anxious to receive the colonel’s addresses after all?”

  “You know I am not, but I am most anxious not to have an argument with Mama if he fails to ask me. She would probably say the fault is mine for not encouraging him.”

  “The blame is definitely not yours.”

  Anne shuddered. “Mama will not see things that way. I feel so much stronger nowadays but the prospect of arguing with her is enough to sap my energy and resolve.” She managed a droll smile. “I have always found it easier to do whatever Mama asks of me. Rosings is a much pleasanter place when Mama is in good humour.”

  Mr. Asquith glanced out of the window. Anne followed the direction of his gaze, and saw the earlier rain had given way to patchy blue skies.

  “We have been cooped up in here for two whole days,” he said. “Shall we take a walk together in the grounds?”

  The suggestion was as surprising as it was welcome. “By all means. Give me a moment to fetch my bonnet and pelisse. Providing I can avoid Mama and her intrusive questions, I shall meet you in the vestibule in ten minutes.”

  “Lady Catherine is in the conservatory writing a letter. You ought to be able to slip past her if you are quick.”

  Mr. Asquith was right about that. Anne managed to reach her chamber, don her outdoor clothing, and run back down again without encountering her mother or her maid. She wondered why she felt the need for secrecy. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her walking with Mr. Asquith. They did it a
ll the time at Rosings, even if they did take a servant with them. There was really no necessity for that but Mama would insist, or worse, inflict her company upon them and then dominate the conversation.

  “You were very quick,” Mr. Asquith said when she returned to the hall and found him awaiting her.

  “Mama has eyes and ears everywhere,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper that made her handsome tutor smile.

  He led her to a side door, presumably so they wouldn’t be seen leaving together. The wind was brisk and yet invigorating. The air smelled fresh and clean. Damp leaves, whipped up by the wind, whirled around their feet and clung like natural decoration to the hem of Anne’s gown.

  “I love this time of year in England,” he said. “It was one of the things I missed most while in Jamaica.”

  “And yet you were born in Jamaica. I should have thought you would have found our autumn and winter far too cold for your taste.”

  “I did when I first came over here to school. I actually thought I might freeze to death but I soon learned to prefer it to the heat and humidity of the tropics.”

  “I have never set foot outside of England so I am not qualified to give an opinion. However, I am sure I would not enjoy being too hot all the time.”

  They turned a corner that brought them close to the famous Pemberley maze.

  “Have you ever tried this?” he asked.

  “Goodness no. I would get lost for a month.”

  “Nonsense.” He offered his arm, and she placed her hand on it. “Come along, Miss de Bourgh. Let us be brave. We shall either triumph or be lost together for all time.”

  Anne would greatly have preferred the latter alternative, then her other problems would just have to take care of themselves. “Very well, Mr. Asquith, I shall place my trust in you,” she said. “Lead on.”

  Smiling, she set off beside Mr. Asquith as he plunged into the confusing construction of beech hedges.

  “The trick is always to turn in the same direction and never deviate. What shall it be, Miss de Bourgh, left or right?”

  “Oh right, by all means.”

  He briefly covered the fingers that rested on his arm with his opposite hand. “I shall never knowingly do wrong by you,” he said with a gaze of dark intensity.

  Anne turned away, unsure what to make of that statement. Probably nothing. She was determined not to spoil this rare time alone with Mr. Asquith by reading more into this conversation than was there, or to think about what her mother would have to say if she knew about it. She would consider it a highly inappropriate situation and Anne would receive a scolding. She simply didn’t care. She felt light of heart, free almost. Being defiant definitely had its advantages.

  “Are you sure about this, Mr. Asquith?” she asked when they had taken several turns that took them deeper into the maze with no clear end in sight. The hedges were far too tall even for Mr. Asquith to see over them. “I am sure we just passed down this walkway in the opposite direction.”

  “Have faith.” He dropped his voice to a soft purr he had never used with her before. “Have I ever guided you wrong?”

  “Well no, but perhaps not all mazes are designed the same way.”

  “Don’t tell me you are nervous.”

  “Not nervous precisely, but it is a little daunting.”

  “We could leave markers as we go to ensure we find our way out. A ribbon from your hair, my handkerchief, things like that, but it would be cheating do you not think?”

  “Yes, I suppose it would be.” It would also make Anne feel a lot safer but she had been consumed by a capricious mood and had no desire to be safe.

  “If all else fails, we will simply wait to be found.”

  “But no one knows where we are so how would they know where to look?”

  “Ah, so they do not.” He sent her a charming smile, the one that always seemed to melt her insides and send agreeable sensations rioting through her body. “In which case, we must hope I know what I am doing. Now which way I wonder.”

  They had reached a crossroads. The path they were on continued straight ahead, but there were also turnings to the left and right.

  “Right,” Anne replied, without hesitation. “This junction is supposed to confuse us I think, and trick us into not turning.”

  “Exactly so.”

  The right hand turning took them to a large clearing in the centre of the maze. It boasted a magnificent statue of a winged horse with a bench beneath it.

  “Oh, it is beautiful!” Anne stared at the statue, awestruck. “I should love to draw it.”

  “Do you not recognise it?”

  “Should I?” Anne tilted her head, examining the statue from all angles. “Pegaz?”

  “Yes, from the ancient Persian legend we read together.”

  “Did you know it was here, Mr. Asquith?”

  “No, but it occurred to me that Mr. Darcy would put something special in the centre of his maze to reward those brave enough to make their way through all the wrong turns.”

  A bit like her life, Anne thought, briefly closing her eyes and pretending she was here with Mr. Asquith because he intended to go down on bended knee and request her hand in marriage. That would make the agonies of her lonely childhood and the confusion of impending adulthood, more than worthwhile. She shook her head to dislodge the thought, telling herself not to be so foolish. Even if he did pretend affection for her, that is all it would be. Pretence. It wasn’t her he wanted, but Rosings. That was all everyone saw when they looked at her. She shivered at the thought and her pleasure in the moment was spoiled.

  “Are you cold?” he asked.

  “Not really.”

  “Then what is it?”

  He took her hand in his, and she felt compelled to meet his gaze. What she saw there unbalanced her. There was sympathy and understanding in his eyes, and compassion too. It was as though he grasped the reasons for her turmoil and cared, really cared, about her as a person. Of course that was not possible, but it did no harm to pretend. She didn’t want to tell him the truth and admit to her pathetic weaknesses, but the manner in which he was regarding her with an expression of such deep intensity made it impossible to keep her uncertainties to herself.

  “I am afraid,” she said simply. “Afraid of what will happen if Colonel Fitzwilliam addresses me, but even more afraid of what will happen if he does not.” She swallowed, wondering whether she ought to go on. One look at his resourceful features and she threw caution to the wind. Let him laugh at her if he wanted to, she no longer cared. “But whatever happens, I will have to part with you,” she said, turning her head away. “Mama never intended for you to remain with me for long, we have both always known that, but the truth of the matter is that you have taught me far more than she could have bargained for. You have opened my eyes to the world beyond Rosings, given me the courage to think and to hold opinions of my own I am no longer afraid to express and…well, I have said too much.”

  “My dear girl!” he cried passionately. “You need never concern yourself about my leaving you.”

  She blinked, unsure she had heard him right. “You have to earn a living, Mr. Asquith. We both know that.”

  “Miss de Bourgh…Anne.” He reached out an arm and pulled her against him. Anne was breathless with delight when her name slipped past his lips again so naturally and she willingly allowed herself to be embraced by him. “Don’t make the mistake of underestimating me. You say you have learned a lot from me but you can’t have enjoyed the experience as much as I have. At first, I looked upon you as a challenge. A lonely young lady afraid to open her mouth for fear of earning ridicule. I saw your potential but you have surpassed my most optimistic expectations. You are like a flower that has blossomed beneath my nurturing. I take all the credit for that, you know,” he continued, his capable hands sliding to her back and holding her more firmly against him, “and I never walk away from what I create.”

  Anne felt dazed, disorientated, euphoric, and barely able to be
lieve this was happening. Not altogether sure what was happening. She had absolutely no idea what he meant by her being his creation, nor did she much care. All she wanted was to continue being held by him, to feel the warmth and strength from his body seeping into her own. This was where she was supposed to be. He made her feel safe and protected, as though a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She screwed her eyes tightly closed, willing him to kiss her.

  To her intense disappointment, he did not.

  “Come,” he said instead, his voice gravelly and rough, almost dismissive. Her eyes flew open and she sent him an enquiring look, wondering what she had done to cause such an abrupt change in him. “We ought to get back to the house before we are missed.”

  ***

  Joshua found Mr. and Mrs. Darcy together in the drawing room. He paused in the doorway to observe them, heads close together, laughing at something one of them had just said. Darcy reached out a hand and gently touched his wife’s face, his eyes soft, adoring. She leaned her cheek into his palm and sent him an enticing smile that prompted Darcy to groan, lower his head, and cover her lips with his own.

  The intimacy of the snatched moment reinforced Joshua’s long-held opinion that Darcy had found his soul mate, a woman who would be the making of his intelligent yet rigidly correct cousin. With her irreverent attitude and lively wit, Eliza’s character was diametrically opposed to Darcy’s and could only have a beneficial effect upon his mercurial temper. Watching them together now, he wondered if she knew how much influence she wielded over him. He suspected she did, and Joshua was glad. Darcy took life far too seriously and deserved to put his own happiness ahead of duty.

  Joshua hesitated on the threshold, feeling like the intruder that he was, wondering if he ought to leave them alone. Unfortunately, his business was too urgent to brook delay. He needed the benefit of his cousin’s advice and was unlikely to find a better opportunity for a quiet word.

  He cleared his throat and walked into the room.

  “Colonel Fitzwilliam.” Mrs. Darcy offered him a warm smile. “You look as though you have lost a guinea and found a farthing. Pray sit down and tell us what bothers you.”